the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
