His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
