Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
