Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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