u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
