Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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