She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
