TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
