5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
