Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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