I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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