I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
