My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
