You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
