All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
