I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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