I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
