You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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