I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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