I need to stop coming to work sober
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
