i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wear drunk well.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
