I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
