I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
