i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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