Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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