I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
