Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you traded sex for a burrito?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
