she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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