eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
