I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize