So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize