the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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