i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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