He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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