Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
