Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
