Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
