what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
