I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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