There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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