Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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