if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
