Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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