I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
