Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
