I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
