Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
