she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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