so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
