Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
