Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
