I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
