we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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