soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
