You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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