they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
