It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
