Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
