so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
