I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
