the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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