my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
