I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
